Juice Cleanse

Look at that, if a blog falls over in a forest, but nobody’s there to post on it, it does still make a sound! …Or something like that.

AKA, to say I’ve been absent would be the underest of understatements. I’ll be back again to give a more in-depth life catch-up, but for now, the juice cleanse.

Mom and I went on a road trip to the south (pictures & a post on that forthcoming…I hope), and we soaked up all the BBQ and fried chicken we could because we knew when we got back, we were going on a three-day juice cleanse to jumpstart our (really, my) health kick. And by health kick I mean if even my 86-year-old grandmother who has cataracts and is nearly blind in one eye can tell that my cheeks have “rounded out” (thanks for putting it so magnanimously, Mimi), it’s time to make some serious changes. Ergo, juice cleanse. But a good one. Not the lemon & pepper one.

Ever-reliable and also blog-following Brittany sent me a cleanse she had read on and her little dog too, and it was the first I had seen that did not use bananas (allergic) or coconuts (bleh) in some way. I call that a win. I got my mom on board, which meant I was going to be accountable to someone and gave me a buddy in the kitchen, and on Sunday night we went shopping for our first batch of ingredients.


Let me say right off the bat, this was no pansy juice cleanse. Over the course of three days and five (five! well, six, but the “dessert” drink was gross so we cut it out) huge 24-oz. drinks each per day, we juiced 72 apples, 90 stalks of celery, 36 lemons, 24 limes, 26 stalks of kale, spinach, cucumbers, carrots, beets, ginger, parsley, the list goes on. These were some serious drinks, my friends. I’m not sure my juicer will ever recover. I’m also happy to report I was never hungry once. In fact, it felt like all I did was cut up apples and drink juice. You drink one every two hours, and they pretty much overlap anyway. I’ve never peed so much in my life.

Time spent preparing the ingredients and cutting up the food (dear god, so many apples), is a lot, but we got faster at it (I can now recite the recipe for each drink, doubled or halved, by memory), and started making more than one juice at a time, so we could drink them at our own pace/not return to the kitchen every two hours to cut up another slew of fruits & veggies. I would recommend this cleanse to anyone as long as they have the time or at least one day they don’t need to be anywhere so they can do a lot of prep work.

prep1 double prep17prep8

Oh! I forgot to mention that these juices actually taste good, too. Even though I knew what I was mixing would make a good combination, I never really believed the juices would taste good. But they do. In fact, I think the beets drink was my favorite (didn’t hurt that it was hot pink in color), but they all kind of started to taste the same after a while. Citrusy-apple-fruit, if I had to name it. The drink order was: green juice, spicy lemonade, carrot juice, green juice, beet juice. Here is the link if you feel so inclined to give it a go yourself!

double prep2

While I am glad it’s over, the worst part was really the monotony of it. And I missed chewing food. It’s a weird sensation wanting to eat something but not being physically hungry. In any case, I’m glad I did it. And maybe a juice cleanse will be in my future again someday. But first, bread. (In moderation, of course…)


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